I wanted to write a blog to help anyone considering IVF by sharing my own journey. It's such a rollercoaster of emotions, and I always struggled to find information. Like most people, I never wanted IVF. It was a huge step to even book our first appointment with our doctors back in February 2023.

Throughout our journey, I've always held so much hope that we would get pregnant naturally. I've overcome a lot of fear to reach the point of starting our first IVF cycle in July 2024. I'll share more about our journey up until this point, but for now, I want to capture the raw emotions of starting our cycle.

Day 1: A New Beginning

I started taking Norethisterone 5mg, three times a day, on the second day of my period. My period is usually like clockwork, but this month, it actually arrived three days early. This unexpected timing was a relief because I was anxious about starting and worried that the stress would delay my period. Having it arrive early felt like a positive sign.

The anxiety I felt on the first day was very intense. I was on the edge of a panic attack, but connecting to my breathing helped me feel a little calmer. My partner Dan is amazing too; he just held me through it while I cried. I was so scared of how my mind and body would react to the tablets and had so many questions like:

• Am I going to be able to function properly?
• Will I ever stop crying?
• Will I be okay?
• Am I capable of getting through this?

I had a lot of fear present, but I allowed myself to sit with it and to journal. Journaling always helps me process my thoughts. For the first day, I honestly felt like I was just waiting for a bad reaction to happen. As time went on, my anxiety started to settle as I realised that nothing bad was going to happen to me. I kept repeating the affirmation "I am safe."

By the end of the first day, I felt so proud of myself. Proud for taking the first three tablets. Proud that I did it and allowed myself to rest. I slept a lot, took naps, and allowed my body to adjust. I didn't feel out of control, which was something I had been worried about.

Days 2-5: Adjusting and Adapting

I was quite surprised that within less than 24 hours, my period completely stopped. It was as if I had never started my period in the first place.

Over the next few days, I experienced a lot of nausea. It goes away when I eat, so I'm trying to eat little and often. My sense of smell seems heightened, and certain things are making me feel sick. I have also been having hot flashes. They arise suddenly, and I start to sweat and feel like I'm overheating. I was waking up during the night in a pool of sweat too. My sleep was very disturbed, and I know that is a combination of the tablets and anxiety.

I've been having acupuncture for the past six months, and I had sessions on day three and ten, which definitely helped with everything. I felt calmer, less anxious, and less nauseous. I've also been having weekly therapy for fertility, and my sessions have helped a lot. It helps to talk to someone impartial and to make plans for certain things. She always helps me see things from a different perspective, and I feel more positive after our sessions.

Days 6-10: Finding My Balance

By the end of the first 10 days, the feeling I would describe is ‘flat.’ Not necessarily in a bad way, but I just feel quite level. This phase is called ‘down regulation,’ and it does feel strange that my hormones are down-regulated.

I am apprehensive about starting the injections, but I still have 1o more days of these tablets. I am reminding myself, “one day at a time.”

My overall reflection of the first 10 days is that it hasn't been as bad as what I made out in my head. I feel stronger now than I have in a long time. I feel a sense of relief that we’ve finally started IVF. After three years of trying to conceive, it feels like a huge milestone to be here. Of course, the outcome is unknown, but I feel like I am sitting with that feeling okay at the moment.

Empowering Reflections

This journey is tough, but I am tougher. Each step, each tablet, and each moment of rest is a testament to my strength and resilience. I am learning to embrace the unknown, to trust my body, and to honour my emotions.

IVF is not just about the destination; it's about the journey, the growth, and the courage to keep moving forward despite the challenges. I am proud of myself for getting through these initial days. Proud for taking care of my needs, for resting when I need to, and for allowing myself to feel every emotion that comes my way.

To anyone reading this and considering IVF, know that you are not alone. This path may be filled with uncertainty, but it is also filled with hope, strength, and the incredible possibility of new beginnings. Let's take it one day at a time, together.

Justine x